Taking Action or Taking Control

So I had this thought this morning....what is the difference between taking action and taking control? Now I know I am really (and I mean REALLY) good at taking control. Well, I am really good at trying to take control. Once I get (perceived) control I tend to ruin whatever it is I am doing. However, as a teacher, and I think most teachers are this way, I am a bit of a control freak. I want things the way I want them, when I want them. Sounds a little spoiled once I actually type it out.

For me, what seems to happen is that I take a step that God is calling me to take. That is taking action. So far I am not trying to take control from God. If I spend enough time in prayer about this action or the outcome I feel God is leading me to, I might even take another action without trying to take control from God. However, inevitably, at some point on the path to this previously mentioned outcome, I end up trying to take control of the situation. Usually when I try to take this control, God has to pry my hands off of a situation. Prying is painful. Like most control freaks, when I gain this (perceived) control I tend to hold on too tight and squeeze any and all life out of it. I have to say I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble and often hurt people.

So, I continue to battle. It's the battle against self. I have a BIG God who wants to care for my every need and I think I can do a better job (not that I would ever really say that). I pray that I would take every action that God calls me to take. I pray that when I take that action I would leave the control to Him and just take the steps that He calls me to.

Don't worry, this isn't as random as it may seem. Yesterday I took action in a situation that I have not acted upon in a very long time. I felt like God was calling me to it (several things pointed to it). Now the battle begins. I have to keep acting upon God's call and leave the control to Him. Die to self. Die to self. Die to desire to control. He must increase. I must decrease.

The ramblings continue. I didn't lie. Imagine what it must be like to be in my mind....it's a crazy place.