Thanksgiving is once again upon us. It really doesn't feel Thanksgivingish! There may be a couple reasons for this. First, it was about 80 degrees outside today. I wore flip flops. Not that I am complaining...I love it!!! Another reason might be that I am not making the nine hour drive from Asheville to Mississippi this year. Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like sitting in Knoxville traffic the day before Thanksgiving. Again, I am not complaining. I won't be missing that drive this year!
So, in honor of Thanksgiving, I thought I should give you a list of things I am thankful for. Not that anyone really cares but it's always fun to remind yourself of all the blessings that God has poured on you! Here is my thankful Thanksgiving list:
1. Salvation. I am thankful that Jesus rescued me from myself and my from my sin some fifteen years ago. I honestly wouldn't be here without His love and that loving rescue.
2. My family. It's cliche, I know, but I am so thankful for the people that have helped shape me and loved me and supported me. I am excited to spend the next few days with most of them. I will be missing my sister and her family! I like to say that my family puts the fun in dysfunctional and in a lot of ways it is true but I love them so very much!
3. My friends. New and old. I am thankful that God has blessed me with many meaningful friendships in the past and I can see that He is deepening many for the future. I am even thankful for the friendships lost over the years because I know God has used them in my life to teach me many things!
4. My job. Yep, for as much as I complain about it at times, I am thankful to have a job that I enjoy (most days) and one that pays the bills. I pray that God would use me to make an eternal impact on the students I get to work with.
5. Comforts. I am thankful for the comforts of a home (of which I sorta have two...anyone want to buy a condo?), a bed, food on the table (most of which my mom is cooking for me...again not complaining), nice clothes, a car....the list goes on and on but I am thankful for the material things God has blessed me with. I hope I can be a good steward of them.
6. My girls. Yep, they are all in college now and I live too many hours away from them now but I am still so thankful for them. I am thankful that I got to be a part of their lives. I am thankful for the growth that I have gotten to witness in them. I am thankful that I still get phone calls or texts or skype dates asking for guidance and celebrating victories. I am thankful that I have gotten to walk with some through intense trials and walk with others to a moment of salvation.
7. Lola. It may sound crazy but I am so very thankful for my dog. She is my baby. She is precious. She is spoiled rotten and I love her so much!
I am sure there is so much more I have to be thankful for and I am. These are the highlights. I have, without a doubt, been blessed beyond measure and have been given the abundant life God promises!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Reasons....
I have been thinking over the last few weeks that I am starting to understand, partially at least, why God brought me to Mississippi. I guess it become clearer with every day. The more I understand, the easier this transition becomes.
I always knew family was the main reason I moved here but I am beginning to see that play out. It's funny. I moved here thinking things like, "I can be there for my mom." "My mom needs to have someone around." "I can help my grandparents as they are getting older." But the truth is, I need my family.
Because of this move, I get to be a part of my grandpa's last memories. See, Tepaw (that's my grandpa) isn't doing so well. Every time I see him he is a little worse (or a lot). I can't imagine being in Asheville worrying that my next visit at Christmas or Spring break would be too late and he would no longer remember me. So now I get to see him and he still remembers me. He may not remember that I am not in college anymore and he may not remember that I have moved back to Mississippi but he knows me. He even knows when I am upset and it still upsets him to see his baby granddaughter upset. That means something.
Because of this move, my mom gets to come to my classroom. She came to my school a couple weeks ago. She didn't stay long but my kids got to meet her and she got to meet all the babies I talk about. That hasn't EVER happened before. Because I am their "mama away from their mama" she became their Grammy and that's what they called her! That means something.
Because of this move, I get to have Mother/Daughter dates. Yesterday, my mom and I went to Mistletoe Marketplace with my friend Kristi and her mom. We walked around and shopped with about a million other people. We had lunch and talked. For the last eight years I have been a third wheel on Mother/Daughter dates. I am not complaining. I have several other mothers now because of it and they all took very good care of me. But nothing compares to your own mama! That means something.
So things are becoming clearer. I am starting to make friends. No, they aren't my Asheville friends, but we have fun and we laugh. And I know God will build those friendships. God blessed me pretty quickly with a friend at school because God knows what I need way better than I do. I probably would not have made it without Kristi! He knows what we need when we need it! That means something!
I am sure there are other reasons I am here. I am sure many of those reasons won't be revealed to me for a while. For now, I will just cling to the ones I know and hope God uses me here!
I always knew family was the main reason I moved here but I am beginning to see that play out. It's funny. I moved here thinking things like, "I can be there for my mom." "My mom needs to have someone around." "I can help my grandparents as they are getting older." But the truth is, I need my family.
Because of this move, I get to be a part of my grandpa's last memories. See, Tepaw (that's my grandpa) isn't doing so well. Every time I see him he is a little worse (or a lot). I can't imagine being in Asheville worrying that my next visit at Christmas or Spring break would be too late and he would no longer remember me. So now I get to see him and he still remembers me. He may not remember that I am not in college anymore and he may not remember that I have moved back to Mississippi but he knows me. He even knows when I am upset and it still upsets him to see his baby granddaughter upset. That means something.
Because of this move, my mom gets to come to my classroom. She came to my school a couple weeks ago. She didn't stay long but my kids got to meet her and she got to meet all the babies I talk about. That hasn't EVER happened before. Because I am their "mama away from their mama" she became their Grammy and that's what they called her! That means something.
Because of this move, I get to have Mother/Daughter dates. Yesterday, my mom and I went to Mistletoe Marketplace with my friend Kristi and her mom. We walked around and shopped with about a million other people. We had lunch and talked. For the last eight years I have been a third wheel on Mother/Daughter dates. I am not complaining. I have several other mothers now because of it and they all took very good care of me. But nothing compares to your own mama! That means something.
So things are becoming clearer. I am starting to make friends. No, they aren't my Asheville friends, but we have fun and we laugh. And I know God will build those friendships. God blessed me pretty quickly with a friend at school because God knows what I need way better than I do. I probably would not have made it without Kristi! He knows what we need when we need it! That means something!
I am sure there are other reasons I am here. I am sure many of those reasons won't be revealed to me for a while. For now, I will just cling to the ones I know and hope God uses me here!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
All the Places to Love
At least once a week I have to drive across the spillway. For those of you that don't know, it's a road that goes beside the reservoir. Every time I look across the reservoir it makes me want to be on the lake so so so badly! I decided a long time ago that Lake Keowee is one of my very favorite places in the world.
This lead me to think about all my favorite places in the world. So I decided to list them out. As I was thinking about where they were I realized it was so much less about the place and so much more about the people I get to be there with.
So here it is...no particular order! :)
1. Lake Keowee: A lazy Saturday (sometimes Sunday) with my five favorite lake buddies. John's famous nachos, wings, cheese dip, and ribs. Skiing. Swimming. Ryan scaring Lora EVERY TIME. Relaxing in the boat. Man, I LOVE the lake!
2. My grandmother's house on Christmas day. We eat brunch. We open presents. We have a good time and I get to be surrounded by a house full of people that I love SO much and that love me too!
3. Worship with my girls. Any worship service that I get to stand beside one or more of my girls. Any worship service that I get to see one or more of my girls engage in worship....LOVE IT!
4. My living room (the one in Asheville). Sitting on the floor surrounded by my girls (again) talking about the Bible and often times other things very off topic.
5. The beach. I love being at the beach in general but I especially love laying on the beach for hours at a time with a good book, good music, and a good friend.
6. Moe's. Now this might sound a little crazy but I really, really love Moe's! I love any Moe's but of course the ones in Asheville hold a special place in my heart!
7. Another country, on a mission trip. Love being in another culture serving Jesus and loving on people. The country doesn't much matter but I am a pretty big fan of the entire continent of Africa! Oh yeah, and being on the mission field with my girls is especially awesome! :)
8. Pigeon Forge. Cheesy, maybe but for the last few years I have gotten to go PF with the great family at Glen Arden. We get to eat and shop and sleep and eat and sleep some more! Now I also get to go with a great group of friends in the fall! It's just so much fun to get away, stay in a cabin, and enjoy the people I am with! Oh yeah....I get to do this one in about two weeks! :)
Well there you have it. Not that anyone cares. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't always have such a serious, heavy blog. So this one is fun....for me at least. I have added some pictures from some of my favorite place with some of my favorite people
Last year's Pigeon Forge/Dollywood trip
The crew at the lake! :)
Guatemala this past summer (before we realized how hard we would work)
The beach with Bonnie....too many years ago!
One of my favorite pictures of me with my girls!
Worshiping with Jen and Caitlin at Hillsong!
This lead me to think about all my favorite places in the world. So I decided to list them out. As I was thinking about where they were I realized it was so much less about the place and so much more about the people I get to be there with.
So here it is...no particular order! :)
1. Lake Keowee: A lazy Saturday (sometimes Sunday) with my five favorite lake buddies. John's famous nachos, wings, cheese dip, and ribs. Skiing. Swimming. Ryan scaring Lora EVERY TIME. Relaxing in the boat. Man, I LOVE the lake!
2. My grandmother's house on Christmas day. We eat brunch. We open presents. We have a good time and I get to be surrounded by a house full of people that I love SO much and that love me too!
3. Worship with my girls. Any worship service that I get to stand beside one or more of my girls. Any worship service that I get to see one or more of my girls engage in worship....LOVE IT!
4. My living room (the one in Asheville). Sitting on the floor surrounded by my girls (again) talking about the Bible and often times other things very off topic.
5. The beach. I love being at the beach in general but I especially love laying on the beach for hours at a time with a good book, good music, and a good friend.
6. Moe's. Now this might sound a little crazy but I really, really love Moe's! I love any Moe's but of course the ones in Asheville hold a special place in my heart!
7. Another country, on a mission trip. Love being in another culture serving Jesus and loving on people. The country doesn't much matter but I am a pretty big fan of the entire continent of Africa! Oh yeah, and being on the mission field with my girls is especially awesome! :)
8. Pigeon Forge. Cheesy, maybe but for the last few years I have gotten to go PF with the great family at Glen Arden. We get to eat and shop and sleep and eat and sleep some more! Now I also get to go with a great group of friends in the fall! It's just so much fun to get away, stay in a cabin, and enjoy the people I am with! Oh yeah....I get to do this one in about two weeks! :)
Well there you have it. Not that anyone cares. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't always have such a serious, heavy blog. So this one is fun....for me at least. I have added some pictures from some of my favorite place with some of my favorite people
Last year's Pigeon Forge/Dollywood trip
The crew at the lake! :)
Guatemala this past summer (before we realized how hard we would work)
The beach with Bonnie....too many years ago!
One of my favorite pictures of me with my girls!
Worshiping with Jen and Caitlin at Hillsong!Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Waiting....
This weekend I had a very lovely conversation with one of "my girls" (via Facebook chat)! She asked me about life and wanted updates on different things. When I answered all her questions and such she said, "wow, you are really in a season of waiting." Ahhh the teacher becomes the student. I just love it when they speak truth into my life.
Ever since she said that to me I have been thinking about it. And yes, I am in a season of waiting in my life right now. Waiting for my house to sell. Waiting. Waiting to make friends here in Mississippi. Waiting to understand God's purpose in my move to Mississippi. Waiting. Waiting to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Waiting for reconciliation with my dad. Waiting for reconciliation of a lost friendship. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
As I was thinking about this it occurred to me that I have been waiting a lot over the last few years of my life. I have felt that God was preparing me for something for several years now. So I have been waiting for Him to reveal it to me. But if I look further back into my life, I think I have spent a good portion of it waiting for something.
I don't think that is a bad thing. I actually think waiting can be a beautiful thing. Isaiah 26:8 says "Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts." Waiting is most often an act of obedience. It's what we do in the times of waiting that makes us or breaks us. In the waiting, we are called to be still before God. In the waiting, we are called to serve and worship the Lord. The waiting is a time to lean into God and become more in tune to Him and His Word. Because God chooses to reveal things in small portions, we will be waiting. We will be waiting for the next step to take. I guess you should always be in some form of a season of waiting in your life. (Truthfully, that thought doesn't really excite me at all!)
Over the last few months I have not been a good "waiter!" I have had a little bit (or a lot bit) of the "woe is me" attitude. I can't say that I am a patient person at all! Patient with people, yes. Patient with God...not so much. There have been times that I have sought after God intensely but, more times than not, I longed for the waiting to end on so many things yet didn't lean into the comfort, protection and peace that God wanted me to claim. I also think God has kept me in this season until I was truly able to be still (and quiet) and listen for that still small voice. Now I am not saying I am there yet. However, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of some of the things.
In the Bible, Jesus called people to a time of waiting. In every situation, the end result was Christ receiving glory and His name and fame being proclaimed. That is my prayer for my waiting.
Ever since she said that to me I have been thinking about it. And yes, I am in a season of waiting in my life right now. Waiting for my house to sell. Waiting. Waiting to make friends here in Mississippi. Waiting to understand God's purpose in my move to Mississippi. Waiting. Waiting to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Waiting for reconciliation with my dad. Waiting for reconciliation of a lost friendship. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
As I was thinking about this it occurred to me that I have been waiting a lot over the last few years of my life. I have felt that God was preparing me for something for several years now. So I have been waiting for Him to reveal it to me. But if I look further back into my life, I think I have spent a good portion of it waiting for something.
I don't think that is a bad thing. I actually think waiting can be a beautiful thing. Isaiah 26:8 says "Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts." Waiting is most often an act of obedience. It's what we do in the times of waiting that makes us or breaks us. In the waiting, we are called to be still before God. In the waiting, we are called to serve and worship the Lord. The waiting is a time to lean into God and become more in tune to Him and His Word. Because God chooses to reveal things in small portions, we will be waiting. We will be waiting for the next step to take. I guess you should always be in some form of a season of waiting in your life. (Truthfully, that thought doesn't really excite me at all!)
Over the last few months I have not been a good "waiter!" I have had a little bit (or a lot bit) of the "woe is me" attitude. I can't say that I am a patient person at all! Patient with people, yes. Patient with God...not so much. There have been times that I have sought after God intensely but, more times than not, I longed for the waiting to end on so many things yet didn't lean into the comfort, protection and peace that God wanted me to claim. I also think God has kept me in this season until I was truly able to be still (and quiet) and listen for that still small voice. Now I am not saying I am there yet. However, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of some of the things.
In the Bible, Jesus called people to a time of waiting. In every situation, the end result was Christ receiving glory and His name and fame being proclaimed. That is my prayer for my waiting.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Taking Action or Taking Control
So I had this thought this morning....what is the difference between taking action and taking control? Now I know I am really (and I mean REALLY) good at taking control. Well, I am really good at trying to take control. Once I get (perceived) control I tend to ruin whatever it is I am doing. However, as a teacher, and I think most teachers are this way, I am a bit of a control freak. I want things the way I want them, when I want them. Sounds a little spoiled once I actually type it out.
For me, what seems to happen is that I take a step that God is calling me to take. That is taking action. So far I am not trying to take control from God. If I spend enough time in prayer about this action or the outcome I feel God is leading me to, I might even take another action without trying to take control from God. However, inevitably, at some point on the path to this previously mentioned outcome, I end up trying to take control of the situation. Usually when I try to take this control, God has to pry my hands off of a situation. Prying is painful. Like most control freaks, when I gain this (perceived) control I tend to hold on too tight and squeeze any and all life out of it. I have to say I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble and often hurt people.
So, I continue to battle. It's the battle against self. I have a BIG God who wants to care for my every need and I think I can do a better job (not that I would ever really say that). I pray that I would take every action that God calls me to take. I pray that when I take that action I would leave the control to Him and just take the steps that He calls me to.
Don't worry, this isn't as random as it may seem. Yesterday I took action in a situation that I have not acted upon in a very long time. I felt like God was calling me to it (several things pointed to it). Now the battle begins. I have to keep acting upon God's call and leave the control to Him. Die to self. Die to self. Die to desire to control. He must increase. I must decrease.
The ramblings continue. I didn't lie. Imagine what it must be like to be in my mind....it's a crazy place.
For me, what seems to happen is that I take a step that God is calling me to take. That is taking action. So far I am not trying to take control from God. If I spend enough time in prayer about this action or the outcome I feel God is leading me to, I might even take another action without trying to take control from God. However, inevitably, at some point on the path to this previously mentioned outcome, I end up trying to take control of the situation. Usually when I try to take this control, God has to pry my hands off of a situation. Prying is painful. Like most control freaks, when I gain this (perceived) control I tend to hold on too tight and squeeze any and all life out of it. I have to say I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble and often hurt people.
So, I continue to battle. It's the battle against self. I have a BIG God who wants to care for my every need and I think I can do a better job (not that I would ever really say that). I pray that I would take every action that God calls me to take. I pray that when I take that action I would leave the control to Him and just take the steps that He calls me to.
Don't worry, this isn't as random as it may seem. Yesterday I took action in a situation that I have not acted upon in a very long time. I felt like God was calling me to it (several things pointed to it). Now the battle begins. I have to keep acting upon God's call and leave the control to Him. Die to self. Die to self. Die to desire to control. He must increase. I must decrease.
The ramblings continue. I didn't lie. Imagine what it must be like to be in my mind....it's a crazy place.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The Rambling Begins
I have been wanting to start blogging for a while now but decided today was the day. I doubt anyone will read this but maybe it's not really for other people and more for me.
I tried to think of a catchy title for my blog and soon remembered how not creative I truly am. So I landed on "Ramblings of a Wanderer" because a wanderer is truly what I feel like and, yes, my thoughts are truly ramblings.
I feel like a wanderer not because I am lost (remember, not all who wander are lost) but because I have roots in many different places. When someone asks "where are you from" it always becomes at least a ten minute conversation that involves three states and one life-changing commercial. So there is no short and sweet answer to that question. However, I have wandered to some awesome places and met some amazing people along the way!
Currently my wanderings have lead me back to Jackson, Mississippi....the place of my birth and, more importantly, the place of my family. I have been back here for about two and a half months and have learned a lot in that time but also realize there is a lot more God wants to teach me. (I can be a little bit of a slow learner sometimes)
Lesson #1: You don't realize what you have until it's gone (or about to be gone). There was an awesome outpouring of love in my final months in Asheville. I had going away meals and sweet cards and awesome words said about me in that time. I got to spend some very sweet time with some very sweet people. Those people sure to know how to make a person feel special. Now, I sit in Jackson, Mississippi wishing I could have just one more dinner at Moe's with some awesome coworkers or one more sleepover at my house with my girls there. You really don't realize what you have until it's gone. Don't worry....there will be more Moe's and there will be more sleepovers....Christmas vacation is one of the beauties of being a teacher!
Lesson #2: You learn a lot about your relationships when you move. I have been surprised by the people that have wanted to keep in touch with me and I have been surprised by those who haven't. I have to say I am very guilty in this area. It has been a crazy couple of months filled with intense emotions and many 12, 13, 14 hour days of work so I have not been very good about keeping in touch with people or pouring into relationships. I have struggled with feelings of being forgotten by the place I came from and being unknown in the place I am. I have had to let go of some people and be thankful for the time that God gave me with them. I am thankful for the few friendships I have that I know distance could never change!
Lesson #3: Teaching is what I love. I don't love grading papers, doing lesson plans, or attending trainings that often seem pointless. I don't love dealing with standardized testing and all the other "junk" that comes with teaching. I just love teaching. In the last two and a half months I have felt like every familiar and comfortable thing has been taken from me. But for six and a half hours a day, I get to do what I love. I get to teach. I get to be in m comfort zone. You see, kids are kids whether you are in Brandon, MS or Asheville, NC or Guatemala City, Guatemala. Kids are something I know, something I am good at. Teaching, whether is be to a group of 5th graders in a school or a group high schools sitting around the floor of my house, is what I love.
Lesson #4: Satan can really get to me. Now, I don't want to give him too much credit. I know that God is trying to teach me some things and I am (like I said earlier) a slow learner. But satan has a way of messing with my head and in this latest wandering of mine, he has truly done that. It has cost me some things but I am learning to battle him! For our battle is not against flesh and blood....
Lesson #5: I just want to make a difference. I don't know if I will teach for the rest of my life. I don't know if I will be called to the mission field at some point. There is so much I don't know. But all I do know is that I want to make a difference in people's lives, not pointing back to me or for my glory but pointing to Jesus. I want to make a difference in people's lives that is eternal....not just here and now. I don't think I am doing a very good job with this one right now but I know it's at the root of every desire I have for my life.
There are certainly other lessons I have learned in the last two and a half months but I think God is still trying to solidify them in my mind and heart, so until He does, those lessons will remain between He and I.
My first ramblings certainly do live up to the name so I will end them here for now. I know there will be more to come as my mind is always filled with ramblings!
I tried to think of a catchy title for my blog and soon remembered how not creative I truly am. So I landed on "Ramblings of a Wanderer" because a wanderer is truly what I feel like and, yes, my thoughts are truly ramblings.
I feel like a wanderer not because I am lost (remember, not all who wander are lost) but because I have roots in many different places. When someone asks "where are you from" it always becomes at least a ten minute conversation that involves three states and one life-changing commercial. So there is no short and sweet answer to that question. However, I have wandered to some awesome places and met some amazing people along the way!
Currently my wanderings have lead me back to Jackson, Mississippi....the place of my birth and, more importantly, the place of my family. I have been back here for about two and a half months and have learned a lot in that time but also realize there is a lot more God wants to teach me. (I can be a little bit of a slow learner sometimes)
Lesson #1: You don't realize what you have until it's gone (or about to be gone). There was an awesome outpouring of love in my final months in Asheville. I had going away meals and sweet cards and awesome words said about me in that time. I got to spend some very sweet time with some very sweet people. Those people sure to know how to make a person feel special. Now, I sit in Jackson, Mississippi wishing I could have just one more dinner at Moe's with some awesome coworkers or one more sleepover at my house with my girls there. You really don't realize what you have until it's gone. Don't worry....there will be more Moe's and there will be more sleepovers....Christmas vacation is one of the beauties of being a teacher!
Lesson #2: You learn a lot about your relationships when you move. I have been surprised by the people that have wanted to keep in touch with me and I have been surprised by those who haven't. I have to say I am very guilty in this area. It has been a crazy couple of months filled with intense emotions and many 12, 13, 14 hour days of work so I have not been very good about keeping in touch with people or pouring into relationships. I have struggled with feelings of being forgotten by the place I came from and being unknown in the place I am. I have had to let go of some people and be thankful for the time that God gave me with them. I am thankful for the few friendships I have that I know distance could never change!
Lesson #3: Teaching is what I love. I don't love grading papers, doing lesson plans, or attending trainings that often seem pointless. I don't love dealing with standardized testing and all the other "junk" that comes with teaching. I just love teaching. In the last two and a half months I have felt like every familiar and comfortable thing has been taken from me. But for six and a half hours a day, I get to do what I love. I get to teach. I get to be in m comfort zone. You see, kids are kids whether you are in Brandon, MS or Asheville, NC or Guatemala City, Guatemala. Kids are something I know, something I am good at. Teaching, whether is be to a group of 5th graders in a school or a group high schools sitting around the floor of my house, is what I love.
Lesson #4: Satan can really get to me. Now, I don't want to give him too much credit. I know that God is trying to teach me some things and I am (like I said earlier) a slow learner. But satan has a way of messing with my head and in this latest wandering of mine, he has truly done that. It has cost me some things but I am learning to battle him! For our battle is not against flesh and blood....
Lesson #5: I just want to make a difference. I don't know if I will teach for the rest of my life. I don't know if I will be called to the mission field at some point. There is so much I don't know. But all I do know is that I want to make a difference in people's lives, not pointing back to me or for my glory but pointing to Jesus. I want to make a difference in people's lives that is eternal....not just here and now. I don't think I am doing a very good job with this one right now but I know it's at the root of every desire I have for my life.
There are certainly other lessons I have learned in the last two and a half months but I think God is still trying to solidify them in my mind and heart, so until He does, those lessons will remain between He and I.
My first ramblings certainly do live up to the name so I will end them here for now. I know there will be more to come as my mind is always filled with ramblings!
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