What a Difference a Year Makes...

About a year ago, I started going to a new church and I knew God was calling me to this church. On one of my very first Sundays at the church their student ministry was doing Disciple Now. As I sat in "big church" I saw all the students in their cute little matching t-shirt, worshiping the Jesus they had encountered and it hit me: this was my first year in a long time that I wasn't helping out with DNow. It reminded me so much of the time spent teaching, worshiping, and loving on "my girls." And I cried all through that service! (Lame, I know)

Fast forward a year: This past Sunday I sat in "big church" surrounded by students in cute matching t-shirts, worshiping the Jesus WE encountered! Then it hit me, that is sweet victory in my life! I spent the weekend loving on a group of 9th grade girls and it was somewhat bittersweet. Bitter in that it reminded me of my time with "my girls" through out the years (I miss them) and oh so sweet in that I have the opportunity to pour into another group of girls!

God has been teaching me a lot as I read through the life of Joseph. The timing is just so God! I have read and learned about Joseph many times before! But now it's different. Now it's personal. Now I can see myself in his story.

As you know, Joseph's life was full of opposition and waiting. However, at every stage in his life he trusted and honored God in everything. He often found himself imprisoned (both figuratively and literally). No matter what he waited and trusted the Lord. Time after time, he found favor with those others. Ultimately, he becomes the second highest in all of Egypt, he is reunited and reconciled with his family, and his faithfulness blesses his family for generations.

Let it be known, I am in no way saying that I am as faithful as Joseph. Quite the opposite actually. Over the last year and half I have walked through a lot of transition and "imprisonment" (figuratively of course). As I read the story of Joseph, I saw ways I fell short in those times. Mainly, I questioned everything. I was not faithful in my walk with Christ.

Four lessons I have learned from this mighty man of God: (I am sure God is still giong to show me more!)
1. Joseph didn't choose his circumstances but he chose to honor God through them.
2. He had several years of waiting. Waiting is not passive! He continued to seek God in that time and he still had a deep connection with God in that time. (the evidence of that is that he was still able to interpret dreams)
3. He couldn't live in his past victories. When he was sold into slavery, he couldn't live in the favor he had with his father. When he was thrown into prison by Potiphar, he couldn't live in the favor he once had with Potiphar. When he was waiting in prison in hopes of someone keeping their promise, he couldn't live in the favor he had with the prison guards. He never settled for past victories but was always striving to honor God! And at every stage God blessed him for his faithfulness.
4. His faithfulness ALWAYS blessed others.

I could spend a long time talking about how I have not followed Joseph's example. But I am learning. This weekend just solidified these lessons in so many ways. There are BIG victories I am claiming! I know God has a plan and a desire to use my life to make a difference. My job is just to remain faithful with each step of the journey!

First DNow with "my girls". Man they have grown up!





And "my girls" from this weekend! Exciting times ahead!

Taming the Tongue and the Mind

Once again, it has been a long time since I have blogged. It has been a very busy fall! It usually takes at least the first nine weeks of school for it to settle down and this year has been no different.

The school year has started off well. I am teaching math and science (and social studies sometimes). I have two great classes and enjoy my time with them! They are sweet, most of the time. I love team teaching and over the last few weeks I have seen the benefits in the amount of time it saves to just plan these subjects.

God has been doing a tremendous work in me over the last few months. He has truly blessed me! I have been blessed with some new friendships and new ministry areas. I have jumped back in to student ministry after a year off and I am loving my group of 9th grade girls. I look forward to what God has in store for us as we do life together.

God has been driving a few key things home with me lately and giving me a lot of practical application. The biggest thing He has been showing me is that I am very susceptible to believing the lies of the enemy. This is almost a minute by minute struggle for me. I guess it always has been; God is just showing me specific moments when it happens. These lies have proven to be crippling at times. They revolve around friendships, family, self-worth, loneliness and other things. There are so many ways satan attacks.

I have certainly not perfected the art of fighting these lies! However, God has really shown me that it is about knowing the truth to fight off the lies. If I know the truth, then I can tell the difference between the two and I can speak truth into the situation. Also, He is really teaching me to take my thoughts captive. That is such a deliberate step in the process and so very important.

So as I hear these lies, I have a choice. I can dwell on them and make them my own, which leads to destruction in one way or another. Or I can speak the name of Jesus, speak the Truth, take my thoughts captive. It is a constant struggle but God is teaching me so much about recognizing and fighting off the lies!

God has also been showing me how much my speech affects my witness. Anyone who knows me knows I am sarcastic to the max. That has gotten me in trouble for years! My filtration system has improved a lot over the years but still fails some times. However, what God has been showing me is that it has less to do with what I say and more to do with how I say it. God wants my gentleness to be evident to all. He is showing me that how I speak to people can either open or close the door of opportunity to witness or minister in their lives.

The verse He has really been driving home for me is Colossians 4:5-6 "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Am I making the most of every opportunity? Is my conversation always full of grace? My life must constantly be about pointing people to Christ. I fall so short in that area but it is the desire of my heart! No matter how stressed or busy I am, I want to make the most of every opportunity. Man that is tough but I am a work in progress and God is so faithful!

So my ramblings are, once again, just that. I am excited about where God is leading me and the plan He has for me, even when I am unsure of what it looks like!

Seasons

I love Summer! It is very true! Of course, why wouldn't I love summer? I have been getting at least two months off for summer since I was five! However, the actual season of summer (not just my time off) is beginning to get a little long here in the slightly warm state of Mississippi. So I have had my fill. I am ready to move on to a new season. I am ready to not sweat immediately when I walk outside. I am ready for fall!

God recently brought me out of one of the most challenging seasons of my life. It was like this summer, it seemed to drag on and on. I am so thankful to be out of that season. But I am also thankful for the Fruit God brought about in my life during that season! I am thankful for what God taught me in that season as well.

So now I am sensing God move me into a new season. I don't know yet how to put it into words but God is definitely working on me. He is molding and shaping me. He is breaking chains that are binding me. He is doing something. It feels good to be in a season when I feel like God is moving in my life. I have to admit, during the long, dry summer season He just brought me through it was so hard for me to sense God's voice. But now, I have entered a season where He is just showering my life!

Now I have the task of sorting some things out. I know He has placed a high calling on my life and I am so ready for the challenge but I am struggling to find balance. I want to make a difference for His name and for His glory. I have the tendency to spin my wheels in an effort to do exactly what I am supposed to do, exactly how I am supposed to do it. Sometimes (more often than I would like to admit), God places a calling on my life and I do all I can do. Because I recognize these tendencies in my life, I have life verse!
2 Corinthians 12:9, But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.
I constantly have to remind myself that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do on my own. My strength is useless and my efforts to control situations are completely futile!

So for now I am trying (and not succeeding as much as I would like) to be weak and let the God of the Universe handle it. But I know He is getting ready to move in a big way as He teaches me new truths about Himself and me. It isn't always a pain free process but it is always worth it.

For this season I have been really focusing on a couple of verses and they seem to really put things into perspective for me.

"Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you."
Hosea 10:12

"LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, LORD. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy." Habakkuk 3:2

I am excited to see what God has in store for this season. I am just going to try to stay out of the way!

Oh What a Year!

It is hard to believe that I have been in Mississippi for a year. And what a year it has been. It has been filled with just about every emotion I can imagine! How about a little recap...

I left Asheville on July 27, 2010, after a crazy busy summer! Just three days later, I had to report to "new teacher" orientation. Thus beginning the hardest year of teaching I have ever had! I know that most of it probably had to do with all the emotions that come with moving but there were also some other factors.

I continued my year waiting for my house to sell and living with my mom until it did. If you had told me I would be living with my mom for 10 months I probably wouldn't have moved...just being honest. However, it went way better than I would have ever expected it to. And with the rough school year, it was nice for her to spoil me some :).

All the while, I was definitely struggling with God's call on my life to move to Mississippi. I questioned that whether or not I did the right thing but I always came back to LOVING being close to my family! However, I at times was quite frustrated with God and His timing. This sent me into a bit of a spiritual valley that I stayed in the majority of the year. I think I am on my way out of that funk but it has been a struggle.

I eventually found a group of friends and after some time found the church that I knew God was calling me to. My house finally sold and I bought a new one that I LOVE so much. I made it through a hard year in teaching and I am getting ready to start another....hopefully easier!

I am definitely glad this year of my life is behind me! It will go down as one of the hardest so far. I am very excited about what God has in store for me now that I am settled in my life here. God continues to teach me that the gifts I bring to Him are going to cost me something, that is why they are a sacrifice, but He always brings back that it is so very worth it.

I still miss my life in Asheville. My time there was very special and God blessed my abundantly. The same God that called me to Asheville also called me to Mississippi and I am trusting that this season of my life will be equally blessed. I am thankful for the time I have had here so far and the people that God has placed in my life. Now I just continue to hold on and enjoy the ride!

All Moved In!

I am officially a Mississippian once again! Yes, I have been living here for about 10 months but I no longer have a house in NC! On May 27th, I closed on my house in Asheville after a year being on the market. Also on May 27th, I closed on my house in Brandon.

It has been a crazy few weeks but I made it even though at times I wasn't sure I would. Ending a school year, selling a house, buying a house and moving made life a little hectic.

I truthfully wasn't sure the sell of my NC house would happen...I guess I didn't have much faith but I was very nervous to get my hopes up. A year in this housing market will do that to you! I didn't want to get my hopes up but I wanted to have a house in MS when the time came. So I finally got to go house hunting. It was very anti-climactic! I looked at four houses and put an offer in on the first house I looked at. I just knew....it was the right size, the right area, and, most importantly, the right price. God definitely provided. Everyone who has seen the house says it's very "Millie." (Whatever that means??? But I agree.)

So I ended my first year teaching in MS and I can't say I am sad about that. It has been a very hard year. I am looking forward to next year being more settled and hopefully easier! The day after the last school day my mom and I headed up to NC to pack and load all my stuff. I was able to go back to Glen Arden and see lots of people....It is still like home. It doesn't feel any different, besides I was out of school and they still had a couple weeks left. Not complaining about that! Then it was some focused packing! My mom did most of it because she is awesome and her A.D.D isn't quite as bad as mine :). It was very hard to leave my house. So many memories there! I was dreading the finality of it all. Making the move official was like leaving all over again. That morning I prayed that God would give me a peace and I just thanked Him for the blessing that house had been to me and (I hope) to many others! I also prayed that the house I was buying would be an equal blessing to me and others. I also prayed that it would be a place that was God-honoring. That continues to be my prayer! Less than 48 hours after we arrived in Asheville, we loaded up a 26 foot U-Haul and I drove that thing 10 and a half hours!

After my closing in NC getting pushed back and some fears that we might not be able to close on my house in Brandon, we made it official...I signed a lot of papers and got a key! I now have a garage and Lola has her a Lola-sized back yard that she loves.

So in my first week of summer, I drove 500 miles, packed a house, ate Moe's, drove 500 miles (in a big fat U-Haul), sold a house, bought a house, unpacked a house, painted three rooms, and hung two light fixtures. Pheeewwwww, I am worn out just thinking about it. I hope the rest of my summer isn't as busy as the first week!!!

Well, that is an update on my life. I am excited to see what God has planned for me now that I am officially here. If my time in Mississippi is anything like my time in Asheville, I know He has big plans and big blessings in store!

Not Mine Anyway

Wow it has been over two months since I last blogged...that's a long time! It has been a busy few months! School, of course, is always busy so that has been normal. I started going to a new church and not long after that decided to join Crossgates Baptist in Brandon. I have really enjoyed getting to know people there and getting involved. I get confirmation after confirmation that Crossgates is where I am supposed to be. Spring Break consisted of making a lot of stuff so that was quite nice and therapeutic! :)

The biggest news lately is that my house in NC is under contract....hallelujah! After 11 months of being on the market!! I have also found a house in Brandon that is now under contract! My prayer is now that God would allow everything to go smoothly with the closing in NC and here! I am ready to have that off my back and really feel like I am a part of the community here.

God has been teaching me a lot lately. The two big things He has been showing me are that He is more than enough and all that I have is His. First, He is more than enough....in some bouts with loneliness and struggling to understand the road He has taken me down, He consistently reminds me that He is my sustainer and my redeemer. He is all I need. If everything in my life was stripped away, He is more than enough.

Secondly, all that I have is His. There is nothing that I have that is mine anyway. My money, my house, my family, my friends....none of it is mine. It all belongs to God and He has allowed me to experience it. I know some of you know this and practice this so easily but not me. I hold things tightly...especially people. But it's not mine anyway. This realization has allowed me to be a more giving person that doesn't worry as much. (At least I am trying!) My money is not my own so I need to be giving to those in need. My time is not mine anyway so I need to be giving it away. The people in my life are not mine anyway so I need not worry about them. God holds His children in His righteous right hand and I certainly can't do better than Him.

They have been some good lessons that relieve a lot of my stress. Yeah, I am still going to worry about the people that I love. Yeah, money issues are still going to stress me out. It's a process but it is a journey that I am excited to be on! I will keep you posted!

So my life doesn't offer much excitement but it is the life God has blessed me with. I am enjoying myself and feel blessed with the people and things God has put in my life and I just hope I can be a good steward of it!

Perspective

I have a tendency to get a little "woe is me" attitude. I don't always share those thoughts with others but I often think about ways that I need God to move. I want my house to sell. I want my stress level at work to decrease. I want to find a place to get involved in ministry. I want to buy a house. I want. I want. I want. I specifically prayed this morning that I wanted to see God move today. And there is nothing wrong with that. I believe God delights in my prayers.

Over the last few days God has really put some things into perspective for me. I know of several people and families really going through some serious trials. A family whose house burned down. Two families whose young children are having surgery. A couple who is saying goodbye to their daughter. God is using these things to bring me to a place of humility and thanksgiving for the blessings that I have.

I am blessed beyond measure. Wow, I am blessed beyond measure. May I always remember His blessings and His hand on my life. May I always have this perspective to get me through the small stuff of my days. May I always lean into Christ when trials come my way. No matter, big or small, may I live my life for His name and His glory!

Time

I have not blogged in a while. I guess I have been pretty busy or maybe just not inspired to write my thoughts. Either way, I am back with a few things to say for anyone who wants to read them!

So this week is full of important dates. Important to me anyway....

Today, my house has been on the market for 8 months. I never thought it would take this long to sell! However, it has worked out pretty well living with my mom. She likes to cook for me and take me out to dinner so I would say it's a pretty sweet deal. I also feel like I am reconnecting with her. We have always been close but now we are getting really good at being friends and I like that.

On Thursday the 27th I will have been in Mississippi for six months. It is hard to believe it has been half of a year. In so many ways it seems like just yesterday that I was in Asheville packing my car. And then in so many ways it seems like a lifetime ago. I am so blessed that I got to visit over Christmas break. It was so much fum and so nice to be there with people I am familiar with. Honestly, if home is where the heart is, mine beats in two places! I am blessed.

I am still trying to find my place here but I know it is happening and will continue to happen the longer I am here. I was reading Mark 2 today. It is a really good chapter that teaches a lot about the heart of Jesus. One is the story of the four friends bringing the paralytic to Jesus. I love that story and was reminded, this morning, that I want those kinds of friends and I want to be that kind of friend. I think it is rare but I know that it can happen and that is my prayer.

And lastly, this week seven years ago was the last time I talked to my dad. When I hung up the phone with him that last time he said he would call me soon. Seven years later I don't know where he is or what he is doing. I don't know if I will ever see him again. I know that he has missed seven years of my life (and then some). I would like to just be able to say "his loss" but it's mine too. Every girl wants their daddy. I am no different even after seven years without him in my life.

So this week holds a lot of emotions for me. I am still in a waiting stage in my life. Through all of this God has really shown me how blessed I am. God has shown me how He has held my hand every step of the way in every situation. He has truly blessed my life and I know that He will continue to walk with me through these things too!

Abundant Life!

Thanksgiving is once again upon us. It really doesn't feel Thanksgivingish! There may be a couple reasons for this. First, it was about 80 degrees outside today. I wore flip flops. Not that I am complaining...I love it!!! Another reason might be that I am not making the nine hour drive from Asheville to Mississippi this year. Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like sitting in Knoxville traffic the day before Thanksgiving. Again, I am not complaining. I won't be missing that drive this year!

So, in honor of Thanksgiving, I thought I should give you a list of things I am thankful for. Not that anyone really cares but it's always fun to remind yourself of all the blessings that God has poured on you! Here is my thankful Thanksgiving list:

1. Salvation. I am thankful that Jesus rescued me from myself and my from my sin some fifteen years ago. I honestly wouldn't be here without His love and that loving rescue.

2. My family. It's cliche, I know, but I am so thankful for the people that have helped shape me and loved me and supported me. I am excited to spend the next few days with most of them. I will be missing my sister and her family! I like to say that my family puts the fun in dysfunctional and in a lot of ways it is true but I love them so very much!

3. My friends. New and old. I am thankful that God has blessed me with many meaningful friendships in the past and I can see that He is deepening many for the future. I am even thankful for the friendships lost over the years because I know God has used them in my life to teach me many things!

4. My job. Yep, for as much as I complain about it at times, I am thankful to have a job that I enjoy (most days) and one that pays the bills. I pray that God would use me to make an eternal impact on the students I get to work with.

5. Comforts. I am thankful for the comforts of a home (of which I sorta have two...anyone want to buy a condo?), a bed, food on the table (most of which my mom is cooking for me...again not complaining), nice clothes, a car....the list goes on and on but I am thankful for the material things God has blessed me with. I hope I can be a good steward of them.

6. My girls. Yep, they are all in college now and I live too many hours away from them now but I am still so thankful for them. I am thankful that I got to be a part of their lives. I am thankful for the growth that I have gotten to witness in them. I am thankful that I still get phone calls or texts or skype dates asking for guidance and celebrating victories. I am thankful that I have gotten to walk with some through intense trials and walk with others to a moment of salvation.

7. Lola. It may sound crazy but I am so very thankful for my dog. She is my baby. She is precious. She is spoiled rotten and I love her so much!

I am sure there is so much more I have to be thankful for and I am. These are the highlights. I have, without a doubt, been blessed beyond measure and have been given the abundant life God promises!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Reasons....

I have been thinking over the last few weeks that I am starting to understand, partially at least, why God brought me to Mississippi. I guess it become clearer with every day. The more I understand, the easier this transition becomes.

I always knew family was the main reason I moved here but I am beginning to see that play out. It's funny. I moved here thinking things like, "I can be there for my mom." "My mom needs to have someone around." "I can help my grandparents as they are getting older." But the truth is, I need my family.

Because of this move, I get to be a part of my grandpa's last memories. See, Tepaw (that's my grandpa) isn't doing so well. Every time I see him he is a little worse (or a lot). I can't imagine being in Asheville worrying that my next visit at Christmas or Spring break would be too late and he would no longer remember me. So now I get to see him and he still remembers me. He may not remember that I am not in college anymore and he may not remember that I have moved back to Mississippi but he knows me. He even knows when I am upset and it still upsets him to see his baby granddaughter upset. That means something.

Because of this move, my mom gets to come to my classroom. She came to my school a couple weeks ago. She didn't stay long but my kids got to meet her and she got to meet all the babies I talk about. That hasn't EVER happened before. Because I am their "mama away from their mama" she became their Grammy and that's what they called her! That means something.

Because of this move, I get to have Mother/Daughter dates. Yesterday, my mom and I went to Mistletoe Marketplace with my friend Kristi and her mom. We walked around and shopped with about a million other people. We had lunch and talked. For the last eight years I have been a third wheel on Mother/Daughter dates. I am not complaining. I have several other mothers now because of it and they all took very good care of me. But nothing compares to your own mama! That means something.

So things are becoming clearer. I am starting to make friends. No, they aren't my Asheville friends, but we have fun and we laugh. And I know God will build those friendships. God blessed me pretty quickly with a friend at school because God knows what I need way better than I do. I probably would not have made it without Kristi! He knows what we need when we need it! That means something!

I am sure there are other reasons I am here. I am sure many of those reasons won't be revealed to me for a while. For now, I will just cling to the ones I know and hope God uses me here!

All the Places to Love

At least once a week I have to drive across the spillway. For those of you that don't know, it's a road that goes beside the reservoir. Every time I look across the reservoir it makes me want to be on the lake so so so badly! I decided a long time ago that Lake Keowee is one of my very favorite places in the world.

This lead me to think about all my favorite places in the world. So I decided to list them out. As I was thinking about where they were I realized it was so much less about the place and so much more about the people I get to be there with.


So here it is...no particular order! :)

1. Lake Keowee: A lazy Saturday (sometimes Sunday) with my five favorite lake buddies. John's famous nachos, wings, cheese dip, and ribs. Skiing. Swimming. Ryan scaring Lora EVERY TIME. Relaxing in the boat. Man, I LOVE the lake!
2. My grandmother's house on Christmas day. We eat brunch. We open presents. We have a good time and I get to be surrounded by a house full of people that I love SO much and that love me too!
3. Worship with my girls. Any worship service that I get to stand beside one or more of my girls. Any worship service that I get to see one or more of my girls engage in worship....LOVE IT!
4. My living room (the one in Asheville). Sitting on the floor surrounded by my girls (again) talking about the Bible and often times other things very off topic.
5. The beach. I love being at the beach in general but I especially love laying on the beach for hours at a time with a good book, good music, and a good friend.
6. Moe's. Now this might sound a little crazy but I really, really love Moe's! I love any Moe's but of course the ones in Asheville hold a special place in my heart!
7. Another country, on a mission trip. Love being in another culture serving Jesus and loving on people. The country doesn't much matter but I am a pretty big fan of the entire continent of Africa! Oh yeah, and being on the mission field with my girls is especially awesome! :)
8. Pigeon Forge. Cheesy, maybe but for the last few years I have gotten to go PF with the great family at Glen Arden. We get to eat and shop and sleep and eat and sleep some more! Now I also get to go with a great group of friends in the fall! It's just so much fun to get away, stay in a cabin, and enjoy the people I am with! Oh yeah....I get to do this one in about two weeks! :)

Well there you have it. Not that anyone cares. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't always have such a serious, heavy blog. So this one is fun....for me at least. I have added some pictures from some of my favorite place with some of my favorite people

Last year's Pigeon Forge/Dollywood trip

The crew at the lake! :)

Guatemala this past summer (before we realized how hard we would work)

The beach with Bonnie....too many years ago!

One of my favorite pictures of me with my girls!

Worshiping with Jen and Caitlin at Hillsong!

Waiting....

This weekend I had a very lovely conversation with one of "my girls" (via Facebook chat)! She asked me about life and wanted updates on different things. When I answered all her questions and such she said, "wow, you are really in a season of waiting." Ahhh the teacher becomes the student. I just love it when they speak truth into my life.

Ever since she said that to me I have been thinking about it. And yes, I am in a season of waiting in my life right now. Waiting for my house to sell. Waiting. Waiting to make friends here in Mississippi. Waiting to understand God's purpose in my move to Mississippi. Waiting. Waiting to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Waiting for reconciliation with my dad. Waiting for reconciliation of a lost friendship. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

As I was thinking about this it occurred to me that I have been waiting a lot over the last few years of my life. I have felt that God was preparing me for something for several years now. So I have been waiting for Him to reveal it to me. But if I look further back into my life, I think I have spent a good portion of it waiting for something.

I don't think that is a bad thing. I actually think waiting can be a beautiful thing. Isaiah 26:8 says "Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts." Waiting is most often an act of obedience. It's what we do in the times of waiting that makes us or breaks us. In the waiting, we are called to be still before God. In the waiting, we are called to serve and worship the Lord. The waiting is a time to lean into God and become more in tune to Him and His Word. Because God chooses to reveal things in small portions, we will be waiting. We will be waiting for the next step to take. I guess you should always be in some form of a season of waiting in your life. (Truthfully, that thought doesn't really excite me at all!)

Over the last few months I have not been a good "waiter!" I have had a little bit (or a lot bit) of the "woe is me" attitude. I can't say that I am a patient person at all! Patient with people, yes. Patient with God...not so much. There have been times that I have sought after God intensely but, more times than not, I longed for the waiting to end on so many things yet didn't lean into the comfort, protection and peace that God wanted me to claim. I also think God has kept me in this season until I was truly able to be still (and quiet) and listen for that still small voice. Now I am not saying I am there yet. However, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of some of the things.

In the Bible, Jesus called people to a time of waiting. In every situation, the end result was Christ receiving glory and His name and fame being proclaimed. That is my prayer for my waiting.

Taking Action or Taking Control

So I had this thought this morning....what is the difference between taking action and taking control? Now I know I am really (and I mean REALLY) good at taking control. Well, I am really good at trying to take control. Once I get (perceived) control I tend to ruin whatever it is I am doing. However, as a teacher, and I think most teachers are this way, I am a bit of a control freak. I want things the way I want them, when I want them. Sounds a little spoiled once I actually type it out.

For me, what seems to happen is that I take a step that God is calling me to take. That is taking action. So far I am not trying to take control from God. If I spend enough time in prayer about this action or the outcome I feel God is leading me to, I might even take another action without trying to take control from God. However, inevitably, at some point on the path to this previously mentioned outcome, I end up trying to take control of the situation. Usually when I try to take this control, God has to pry my hands off of a situation. Prying is painful. Like most control freaks, when I gain this (perceived) control I tend to hold on too tight and squeeze any and all life out of it. I have to say I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble and often hurt people.

So, I continue to battle. It's the battle against self. I have a BIG God who wants to care for my every need and I think I can do a better job (not that I would ever really say that). I pray that I would take every action that God calls me to take. I pray that when I take that action I would leave the control to Him and just take the steps that He calls me to.

Don't worry, this isn't as random as it may seem. Yesterday I took action in a situation that I have not acted upon in a very long time. I felt like God was calling me to it (several things pointed to it). Now the battle begins. I have to keep acting upon God's call and leave the control to Him. Die to self. Die to self. Die to desire to control. He must increase. I must decrease.

The ramblings continue. I didn't lie. Imagine what it must be like to be in my mind....it's a crazy place.

The Rambling Begins

I have been wanting to start blogging for a while now but decided today was the day. I doubt anyone will read this but maybe it's not really for other people and more for me.

I tried to think of a catchy title for my blog and soon remembered how not creative I truly am. So I landed on "Ramblings of a Wanderer" because a wanderer is truly what I feel like and, yes, my thoughts are truly ramblings.

I feel like a wanderer not because I am lost (remember, not all who wander are lost) but because I have roots in many different places. When someone asks "where are you from" it always becomes at least a ten minute conversation that involves three states and one life-changing commercial. So there is no short and sweet answer to that question. However, I have wandered to some awesome places and met some amazing people along the way!

Currently my wanderings have lead me back to Jackson, Mississippi....the place of my birth and, more importantly, the place of my family. I have been back here for about two and a half months and have learned a lot in that time but also realize there is a lot more God wants to teach me. (I can be a little bit of a slow learner sometimes)

Lesson #1: You don't realize what you have until it's gone (or about to be gone). There was an awesome outpouring of love in my final months in Asheville. I had going away meals and sweet cards and awesome words said about me in that time. I got to spend some very sweet time with some very sweet people. Those people sure to know how to make a person feel special. Now, I sit in Jackson, Mississippi wishing I could have just one more dinner at Moe's with some awesome coworkers or one more sleepover at my house with my girls there. You really don't realize what you have until it's gone. Don't worry....there will be more Moe's and there will be more sleepovers....Christmas vacation is one of the beauties of being a teacher!

Lesson #2: You learn a lot about your relationships when you move. I have been surprised by the people that have wanted to keep in touch with me and I have been surprised by those who haven't. I have to say I am very guilty in this area. It has been a crazy couple of months filled with intense emotions and many 12, 13, 14 hour days of work so I have not been very good about keeping in touch with people or pouring into relationships. I have struggled with feelings of being forgotten by the place I came from and being unknown in the place I am. I have had to let go of some people and be thankful for the time that God gave me with them. I am thankful for the few friendships I have that I know distance could never change!

Lesson #3: Teaching is what I love. I don't love grading papers, doing lesson plans, or attending trainings that often seem pointless. I don't love dealing with standardized testing and all the other "junk" that comes with teaching. I just love teaching. In the last two and a half months I have felt like every familiar and comfortable thing has been taken from me. But for six and a half hours a day, I get to do what I love. I get to teach. I get to be in m comfort zone. You see, kids are kids whether you are in Brandon, MS or Asheville, NC or Guatemala City, Guatemala. Kids are something I know, something I am good at. Teaching, whether is be to a group of 5th graders in a school or a group high schools sitting around the floor of my house, is what I love.

Lesson #4: Satan can really get to me. Now, I don't want to give him too much credit. I know that God is trying to teach me some things and I am (like I said earlier) a slow learner. But satan has a way of messing with my head and in this latest wandering of mine, he has truly done that. It has cost me some things but I am learning to battle him! For our battle is not against flesh and blood....

Lesson #5: I just want to make a difference. I don't know if I will teach for the rest of my life. I don't know if I will be called to the mission field at some point. There is so much I don't know. But all I do know is that I want to make a difference in people's lives, not pointing back to me or for my glory but pointing to Jesus. I want to make a difference in people's lives that is eternal....not just here and now. I don't think I am doing a very good job with this one right now but I know it's at the root of every desire I have for my life.

There are certainly other lessons I have learned in the last two and a half months but I think God is still trying to solidify them in my mind and heart, so until He does, those lessons will remain between He and I.

My first ramblings certainly do live up to the name so I will end them here for now. I know there will be more to come as my mind is always filled with ramblings!